My name is Claudio Ranieri,
and I managed Leicester City
football club,
But now I’ve got the sack -
I’m going down the pub.
We won the Premier League
title only recently,
But, was it just down to luck -
and now it is all history?
We really were unbeatable -
and we were the greatest
team,
But was it just down to luck -
is it all now a dream!
We won almost every game -
my players were known as
the Expendables,
No one could beat us - we
were Claudio Ranieri’s
disciples!
But you cannot force your
players to perform - but you
can order a good team
performance;
‘But when they’re on the pitch,
they sometimes play with
pure ignorance!’
Our best days are now over,
and we are facing relegation.
That’s why I’ve been sacked -
and it’s caused a mass
condemnation.
I was summoned to a board-
meeting - were I met the
football jobsworths,
They said: ‘They are “sorry” -
they were only jumped-up
little quirts!
I feel I was stabbed in the
back but that I cannot prove,
The boardroom boys have
had their say; ‘they’re really
in the groove!’
However, we must move on -
and take this team forward,
To try and avoid relegation -
that would be absurd.
I leave my job with sadness -
as tears now fill my eyes,
But I got a very big pay-off -
‘oh, it was a lovely surprise!’
I am now going on a holiday
to totally recharge my batteries
I’m now very rich, you see -
no more football worries.
But maybe I’ll make a come
back and join the BBC -
And become a football pundit -
and live happily by the sea.
It really is a funny old world
especially for a football manager,
If you don’t win a lot of trophies -
the board will react with anger.
But if you do get sacked - it
can be so very lucrative,
For everyone in football - they
will one day forgive.
So, now, my friends, I now
depart - and as I go my separate
ways,
I’m counting all my money I got;
‘now I see more good days!’
My name is Claudio Ranieri, I
was the manager of Leicester
City,
I am now going home to rest
a while - please, I don’t want
any pity!
Written by Darryl Ashton
Follow Darryl on Twitter @AlfGarnettJnr
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ALSO: Please check out Darryl’s two fascinating new books - one on football poetry: My Crazy World of Football Poetry, and the more politically-inducing: My Amazing World of Poems and Political Satire. Both are available to order on Amazon.