Connect in the back of the net

My name is Wayne Rooney,
and I’m leaving Manchester
No press are allowed - they
are the uninvited.

Thirteen long years I’ve
played at Old Trafford,
Sadly I’m now leaving - as
my football form has suffered.

I have also put on weight -
and I do feel rather flabby,
I haven’t scored many goals
as such - I also feel so crabby.

I have also took a dislike, to
Jose Mourinho,
So instead of playing football -
I’ll read my son’s Beano.

Now as I am super rich -
money isn’t an issue,
But I can always turn
emotional - I may just need
a tissue!

I’ve seen some vast changes
at this football ground,
So now it is time to leave -
and overseas, I’m bound.

My manager is in discussions -
to help me get away,
Somewhere in a new country -
so my football I’ll still play.

Now I do love Chinese food -
chow mein and fried rice,
So I think I’ll head to China -
it sounds so very nice.

I’m not getting any younger,
so my family do come first,
But playing in all that heat -
I’ll need to quench my thirst!

I will be joining a super team -
of that I have NO doubt,
My name is Wayne Rooney -
and my belly’s rather stout!

I will be quite emotional - but
I do need to move on.
To secure my future - and
my family - and to catch some
Chinese SUN!

Goodbye to Man United - as
a new chapter now begins,
Now to start playing football -
and to kick those Chinese

I still have a few years left -
I’m not yet too old.
I’m at my peak - and that’s
for sure - ‘well, this is what
I’m told!’

My name is Wayne Rooney -
and I’m going to China’ land,
But I will come back occasionally -
to play for struggling England!!!!

Goodbye to the UK - I mean
that from my heart,
I’m going to play in China -
with my family - and a brand
new start.

Adios to the gloomy UK - and
‘hello’ to China-town;
‘I’ll still appear on Newzoids -
as a footballing’ China clown!!!!’


Written by Darryl Ashton 

Follow Darryl on Twitter @AlfGarnettJnr

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ALSO: Please check out Darryl’s two fascinating new books - one on football poetry: My Crazy World of Football Poetry, and the more politically-inducing: My Amazing World of Poems and Political Satire. Both are available to order on Amazon.